jascat's Diaryland Diary

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My Father

(my father)

My father finally came to see me on the 19th of March. It had been a month and a week before that when he last saw me. We had a good time with laughs and such but he had a secret, I guess you could say.
The week progresses and mom comes home upset. I ask her what seem to be the matter and she tells me. She heard from two people that my father has moved and didn't bother to tell either of us. He started moving the day before he was here visiting and didn't even have the nerve to let us in on the situation.
She calls him and they argue like they always do. I shut myself out of their phone conversation by going away to my room and playing my tunes. She comes in and says he wants to talk to me. I talk to him for not even five minutes because he wants to talk to mom again.
He says he's going to change and that it makes no sense that he continues to not call more or come to see me more. I say yeah.
He asks if i'm upset and I say what do you think. He laughs in my ear and I am even more upset with him. I ask why didn't you just say something when you where here. He tells me he didn't know for sure. He then asks to speak with mother again and I don't even get a goodbye.

Some time goes by but my anger is still with me and just doesn't want to leave my being. I focus on other things like my singing and my other arts. My mind is still all boggled up and I am unable to concentrate. The next day my mind runs back to Kevin and I listen to "Come back to me" by miss Janet Jackson and have myself a good cry.
Thursday night, I have a wonderful time in Waco with my brother and mom. We laugh and have fun and are glad to have some time together.
Then today comes. Mother calls dad and see if he has forgotten us. She talks to him for a while and makes the notion to bring the phone to me in my sactuary (my room). He is laughing before I even get the phone. He has the nerve to ask if I'm still mad. I say yes and he laughs more. I say what is so funny. He said I am for trying to be mad at somebody. I say well you could have said something to me. Again "I didn't know for sure." I reply "You could have told me something so I'd know if it was to happen." He says he understands where I'm coming from.
You want to know what? That was all the conversation because he asked to talk with my mother again. He is laughing at her now because she wants to file the divorce papers. He thinks its some big joke. This is not a joke. This is real life and the real world. I am living in a life with no father figure. There is one but he doesn't see to understand that he has a daughter who wants to spend time with him.
When mom, him and I all lived together we never had a home of our own. We rented houses and apartments. Now he is in Bellmead with Shelia. He is farther away from me and I have no clue when I will see him again.

2:57 p.m. - 2005-04-01

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