jascat's Diaryland Diary

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Sad w/0 him...

Lately it’s been hard to keep myself occupied. He just left Saturday but already my life isn’t as fun as it use to be. I grew to the regularity of him being with me in my room always wanting to do stuff together. Now I don’t have that and I’m lost. Interesting how just something that only lasts 2 weeks can become how you always expect it to be.
We left him at about 12:35pm on Saturday. Trisha had to head back to Clifton and so while he was putting his bus tags on his bags I walked over to him. We said our good-byes, shared a few kisses, and hugged like we never planned to let each other go. I told him I would text him when I got home.
I walked out of the bus station, and as soon as the hot air from the outside hit me my eyes welled up and I started to cry. I sat in the passenger side and when Trisha saw my face she hugged me. She boosted me up by saying to myself that he will be back with me again someday.
Her and I talked the whole way back about his visit and things I wanted to share with her.
When I got home I texted him. I told him I cried as soon as I left the bus station. He goes “You too?” We had cried the same exact time and didn’t even know it until I had said something.
We talked during his bus ride and while he was waiting for his flight up in Dallas.
At about 6 PM he was boarding his plane and we said farewell until he was in Seattle. I thought time would never go by to where I heard from him again.
At ten I heard from him. He had to sit there in Seattle for 8 hours for his flight to Alaska. After a while I got ready to shower. And think what you want but I remembered how his AXE body wash and his Suave shampoo would be sitting there on the ledge. I didn’t see those items and my eyes welled up. I cried hard.
Afterwards I went into my room and it felt so empty in it.
That first night he was here he thought he had disappointed me and started to cry. I wanted to make him feel better and let him know everything would be okay and that I was happy with him. So I played “Two Become One” by the Spice Girls. I grabbed his hand and I sang it to him and we danced.
He mentioned that he was thinking about that night and that song. It made him want to cry. (So that became our song.)
I played it was we talked which I shouldn’t have because I would look at his pictures I have everywhere in my room and it made me cry harder than ever. Had to have my niece bring me some tissue.
So we talked until I got tired. That was about almost 2 am.
I hated to leave him.

I didn’t think I would miss him this much. He is just such a sweetheart and I don’t know what to do without him. Its like nothing satisfies me or something.
I keep sitting there in my room and thinking he is going to walk in, but he’s not. It hurts that he can’t always be here with me. I know it’s selfish of me but I can’t help it. I just hate being without him.

I don’t know why but I just didn’t think he would be so sweet in person too. I kinda felt in the back of my mind that he wouldn’t be the same but I was proven wrong and I’m glad I was.
I love him more than I love myself. He makes me feel so special and I have never felt the way he makes me feel.
I keep thinking about him and it makes me want to cry.
Just in the back of my mind for some strange unknown reason I didn’t think he would be as sweet as he seemed. But when he came here and showed me that is really him, I think I fell deeper in love with and I don’t kno0w what would happen if I was to ever loose him. I don’t want this to end. I wanna always have him by my side.

1:04 p.m. - 2007-06-25

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